- - - UA Gaming Quotes - - -

"Tastes like Long John Silver threw up on it."

[to the now-unconscious priest] "You're...dreaming of the sweet taste of wafers."

"Just remember, the bleeding stops...eventually."

"Can I have some of this chocolate I'm eating?"
"Forgiveness is easier than permission, eh?"
"I have a problem with causality."

"Sometimes a lead brick is just a lead brick."

"I'm a statistician. I hit them in the head, and then they're a statistic."

"I almost chugged my dice instead of my pretzels."

"This ghost has been taking performance-enhancing drugs!!"

"You want subtlety?! His virtue is tacky!"

"No sheep today; I'm on duty."

"Stealth is something that happens to other people." [hopeful] "I have explosives...."

"I have diplomacy."
"You do?!?!"
"Diplomacy is for when he runs out of explosives."

"Unfortunately, nature has failed to provide you with a handy chasm."

[in a Cthulhu game character creation, as heard by Erik]
"Can I take 'sense danger?' "
"That would be like taking a smoke detector to Hell."

[another Erik quote]
[describing a cave] "Imagine that in technicolor with torch light."

"Cthulhu's flirting with the flying spaghetti monster."

"Don't drink the dean!"

"You're not supposed to feed Cerberus chocolate."

"The blender sits forlornly outside the door."

"I become...crispy."

"She learned her mailbox number by crapping on my head?!"

"Fragrant frat people frolic among the ferns."

"You're going to plagiarize the destruction of the universe?!"

“He’s holding it together, but his cheese is sliding off his cracker.”

“She hairballed on my gaming notes.”

“People living in wooden houses should not use plasma cannons.”

“Looks like someone threw up some burnt lasagna into a chain mail shirt.”

“You could buy a lesser creation of Clue Hammer. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t have any more of a clue than you do.”

“Transdimensional knitting.”

“Ikea: the Viking god of Unfinished.”

“At this point, Patrick, you puke up a fireball.”
[Italian accent] “That’s a spicy-a meat-a-ball. Would you like a sip of Gerald?”

- - - Adventure Quest (PU) - - -

"I could probably Defer a toothpick." --- unknown (AKA, I don't remember)

[lots of sorority girls in the hallway; guy goes to the bathroom and comes back]
"So, did you make it through the gauntlet of stupidity?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"You didn't mind the view, though, did you?"
"Nope!"

"Oh, yeah, by the way, his soul is in a rock." --- Loren

Bob: "Okay, you made a Darklocked priest of Ra a holy item of Neptune..."
Kat: "Whoohoo!"

Bob: "What do you do?"
Loren: "Quickdraw my wad."

Kat: "Does an 11 missile hit you?"
Bob: "What's it made out of?"
Kat: "Spittle."

"I'm full of Dwarfy nougat." --- Loren

Ian: "Go, Alyssa! You rock!"
Loren: "Not yet."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, Pith." --- Ben (the guy who plays Thompson)

"I thought Ra liked to go skiing...." --- Ian

"The sock of Locate. Target: other sock." --- Bob

Loren: "[My character] just realized she has paralysis."
Bob: "Roll two-die common sense."
Loren: [rolls] "Made it."
Bob: "You now know why your horses are 'sleeping.'"

"Fireball goes off in the mall. BOOM! Well, shop 'til you drop...." --- Bob

"You're Delivered in 30 minutes or less or your money back!" --- Ian

Pat: "Duct taped salt pillar?"
Ian: "Only one of them is duct-taped."
Pat: "Hm. That must be the leader."

David: "Are any of the other salt pillars alive?"
Salt Pillar King (Ian): "Why would they be? They're salt."

"What? You can have an Amish centaur!" --- Ian

Ian: "You notice the zipper deep in conversation with a group of others."
David: "Cufflinks?"
Me: "Buttons?"
Ian: "No, the buttons hate him."

"As you guys evaluate the benefits of consecrating in Hell itself...." --- Bob

"Ham grows on pigs." --- Kat

"You have learned a lesson from the School of Ow." --- Bob

"Finally ran my AQ game to CandyLand, which went better than I thought it would. There was a lot of...disturbing...speculation on the biological functions of the gingerbread people, and Ian's Earth Mage sucked the soul of a Marshmallow Peep into a 10 lb chunk of rock candy." --- David

- - - Ironclaw (PU) - - -

"Got cleric?" --- Kat (I think)

[Lord Innocence lands at Mother Tera's feet] "Look! A gift from S'Allumer!" --- Kat (Mother Tera)

"Formalities are not necessary. I'm too far from home." --- Mike (Lord Innocence)

Mike: "That's disgusting!"
Sean (GM): "Says the man who's sucking on his shirt."

"It's just money...right?" --- Mike

"Your idea of 'roughing it' is eating without the salad fork." --- Sean

"Assuming the universe has the density of...say...lime jell-o..." --- Mike

"Hey, could you watch this guy for a sec? He's the rightful prince. I'm going to take a shower." --- Mike

"In the kingdom of geeks, the man with one friend is king." --- Kevin (was Vlad; is now Hector con Carne)

"It seemed like a good idea at the time..." --- Pat (Gunther) and probably everyone at one point or another

"We can't cause [Canadians] any more harm than making them Americans." [pause] "Oh, wait..." --- Kevin

"Most men don't make good women." --- Mike

"It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Star Crunch!" --- Sean

"I don't wanna grow up because if I did, I wouldn't be a...pervert!" --- Mike

"That would be bad, like... [bad thing happens] ...crap..." --- Ian

"I believe I can seduce him better than her." --- Mike

"And Skeletor pops out and kills Aragorn." --- Kat

"My defense is cheese." --- Charles

"Being dead gives penalties to you observation rolls." --- Sean

"Do you have a stick shoved far enough up your [butt] to consider yourself a noble?" --- Charles

"As long as the diplomacy involves thumb-screws, we're fine." --- Pat

"Remember, your minstrel needs both an instrument and his head." --- Sean

"I'm helping your friend! Stop hitting me with an axe!" --- Kat